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Proform 900 Cardio Cross Elliptical Trainer W Reflex Step
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Proform 900 Cardio Cross Elliptical Trainer W Reflex Step

Anybody? Could you read my story? Please. Any help at all is appreciated?

I have such question This is my story, in part inspired by the song The Hollow Pt. 1 by Eyes Set To Kill, and I guess it's a little story that has to do with my name, MyClockworkHeart. Hope you like it! I'm an aspiring teenage writer that is looking for any criticism to help me become a better writer, because one day, I hope to have a book published. Well...here I go... Maie let her fingers rest on the piano, sneaking a glimpse outside the window, hearing the faint ring of bells. She knew if she stepped outside, even if only for a moment, she would be smothered with all the sounds, the scents of Christmas. But, not today, today she was nothing but a mere doll, a piece of clockwork to play with. It was all because of one deal, one trade, and a desire to live. The trade was fair, though. To gain anything, you must first sacrifice something. This was Maie's philosophy, the rule that she lived by. This rule even worked for those few merry holidays, such as this one. To gain gifts, you must first sacrifice your own presents to gain something from another, no matter how small and worthless that something was. Sometimes, Maie was unable to remember who she was, and so she had a rule to live by, a philosophy. Even if she couldn't remember who she was, she could remember who she wanted to be, living by that one philosophy. Maie had died once, on a day similar to this one. Christmas of three years past was when life faded from her eyes for the first, and what should've been the last, time. A woman named Lilah, who appeared to be a harmless watchmaker, and a lovely one at that, decided to make Maie a deal. "Die here, or come with me, and I'll help you live." When every bone in your body was beginning to turn into dust, you didn't have much choice if your desires included living. What Lilah hadn't said, but truly meant was, "Die here, or come with me and I'll help you live. That is, if you can prove your worth." It was cruel, but Lilah had no honor, no shame. The watchmaker felt absolutely no remorse in twisting the once human girl into a simple doll. She had no remorse in reviving the girl, to give her hope, only to take her lively beating heart away. That wonderful, working heart of Maie's was now in a box, stored in behind mirror filled with vengeful souls. What that poor girl was left with was nothing but a piece of clockwork keeping blood flowing through those veins. At first, Lilah hadn't thought that it wouldn’t work, but it did. Her body accepted the foreign machinery, doused with magic of course, into the body perfectly fine. That girl was the perfect doll, you could do absolutely anything with her, and she wouldn't once complain, or even die! She made the perfect toy, the perfect specimen. So long as you kept the strings of raw power that were tightly strung around her bones, which, thanks to Lilah, were no longer anywhere close to being dust, tight, then you could do nearly anything to that girl. The deal that Maie made included that from sunrise to sundown, Lilah could use her as a puppet. But, Lilah could not physically touch her, nor have anyone else touch her without consent. Physical interaction wasn’t needed for her to play with her puppet. All that she needed to do was pull the strings. Maie looked at the setting sun longingly. The moment that the sun touched the horizon, she would be free to roam around wherever she’d like, so long as she was back before the moon set. She could almost smell the gingerbread cookies she’d been awaiting for months. It had taken a while, but she had finally collected enough money to buy a gingerbread cookie from the only baker in Western Kai Rae, the noble side of town, Declan. Maie’s way of collecting money was to willingly stay for the short time that she was free and play piano for Lilah’s customers. Although Lilah was simply a watchmaker, at night, people could watch her play, or play a piece themselves, and collect money. Of course, they would’ve had to pay a bit of money beforehand every time, and what they earned they could keep. Maie was allowed to play without paying beforehand, since she had already paid more than enough in blood, sweat, and many, many tears. Maie’s fingers danced over the keys, moving swiftly and causing the piano to produce a melodious, if not mournful, sound. Maie had no idea why, but Christmas was something that brought sorrow to her. Melodies that probably should be played at a funeral were things that reminded her of Christmas. Perhaps it was because she had been declared dead to the world that day. And to all of her old friends that lived in the large city on the southern mainland, a city called Acacia, she was dead. She hated this eastern city of Kai Rae. It was so cold, more than half the population so poor. But the nobles, such as Lilah, completely ignored that east Kai Rae was dying. You could see most of their dead just lying there in the streets! She had no idea how they survived, or if there were any survivors at all. That place was a

Ok, what I can say about this I loved this! I really admire how you managed to keep up a steady stream of carefully hidden melancholy throughout the whole thing. The reader is aware of the sad undertone to the stories of the characters. I wouldn't call this a story, though. Have you ever heard of flash fiction? It's a term used to categorize writing that is too short to be considered a short story, but longer than a drabble. This can be considered flash fiction. There were minor grammatical errors, some awkward wording, and a few other points that can be easily fixed. I would love to help you improve this piece of writing. If you'd like, you can email me and I could help you improve this, and at the same time remove any obstructions in your literary talent that might be hindering you on your way to becoming a great writer.

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